The weight listed on your Driver’s License.
Your car clock. Especially after Daylight Savings Time kicks in on Sunday.
A scaredy-cat liberal’s first time shooting at a gun range.
The initial estimated budget for your daughter’s wedding.
The wheat harvest projection in every Soviet 5-Year Plan.
The IPCC’s global warming predictions from 10 years ago.
The Psychic Hot-Line
A bathroom scale accidentally heaved down the basement stairs.
2016 Presidential Polls on November 8. Never. Gets. Old.
A Kid with a Knock-Knock Joke Book on a Cross-Country Trip
Bazooka Joe comix in bubble gum
A Nancy Pelosi press conference
Barack Hussein Obama unplugged from his Teleprompter
Mr. Potato Head
|Fidel and a best buddy|
Go to bed early and do not read in bed. Something else could occur to you.
Count your ammo. Organize by caliber.
Count individual cartridges in boxes to make sure there really are 500.
Drunk-dial your Congressperson, promising huge contribution. Never have empty mailbox again.
Under no circumstances should you make drunk threats to an elected official unless you are a Democrat. Then, of course, when confronted with the clear and obvious crime, say that magic eraser phrase, “I was joking.” Works every time.
Try to jump rope indoors on Mexican tile. Schedule knee replacement surgery. Also order new lamp.
Call your mother if you are blessed to still have one.
Bake a pie from scratch. Contemplate where the hell the expression “easy as pie” came from.