Friday, June 23, 2017

Rainbow Armpit Hair Is the Latest Creepy Feminist Trend

By Emily Zanotti

According to marketing researchcompany Mintel, one in four ladies is growing out her armpit hair.

But while those women are making some sort of inscrutable stand for women’s liberation, they aren’t the wokest members of the no-shave club. According to Cosmopolitan, in order for your pit shag to have a true social justice impact, it needs to be dyed the colors of the rainbow— literally.

Are you ready for unicorn armpit hair, America? 

If rainbow peach fuzz under some woman’s shoulder is the “most amazing thing you’ll see all day,” you really need to get out more.

That said, Cosmo, typically a publication rife with body grooming advocacy in the form of bizarre sex advice from men you’d never date, is very serious about giving yourself a monochromatic dye job.

The idea came from Caitlin Ford, an admittedly talented colorist, who has created some incredible multi-colored coifs, all on display on her Instagram. But Cosmo says that, unlike Ford’s normal, labor-intensive hairstyles, dying your pits is as simple as bleaching out your grown hair, grabbing some Manic Panic off the shelf in all of the necessary colors, and painting a tiny rainbow in your armpits.

Rinse, dry, wash, and make major strides for feminism by breaking down the societal stigma against body hair with your “subtle political messaging.” Or something

If you do decide to chase the rainbow, though, be aware that the message may not get across as coherently as Cosmo wants you to believe. Although rainbow armpit just became a thing literally today, Miley Cyrus and others have ben trying to make colored armpit hair a thing for some time now. 

Women have been loathe to jump on that bandwagon, even as cheap millennials are eschewing the traditional razor and soap treatment.

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